2 years ago today, I made a decision. “For today, I will not drink wine.” The next day, I made another decision: “For today, I will not drink wine. The “For Todays” went on for a few weeks and then a few months. Through the huge undertaking of dealing with my lurking issues of anxiety and loss, and creating lifestyle habits full of self-care strategies that would halt any bad day in it’s tracks, I soon found myself at the one year mark of living soberly. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It’s easy to write it in a measured post, but truthfully, giving up something in a culture where “Rose All Day” is a regular mantra was not easy. Around one year, I began to wonder how long I would keep up this lifestyle. Being different that the other women who rewarded a day well done with a drink or 3 was not easy. Dancing on the dance floor without the warmth of a buzz was not easy. Navigating through all of life’s challenges without something to take the sting out of a day was not easy. But in just a year’s time, I had just started to get to know this really amazing woman and I couldn’t shake the fact that I wanted to know her better. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
The most important lesson I have learned through choosing to live a sober life is that you cannot numb the dark without also numbing the light. Through eliminating alcohol from my life, I invited the truth of who I am to enter into the picture. Getting to know yourself is awkward at first. I had no idea how much I had forgotten about her. But little by little, I have emerged. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Today marks the two year mark of a decision that began with one day at a time. I stand as a woman who is right with herself – mistakes and all. I stand as a person who knows her light and has the tools to navigate through the dark. I stand with my choice today, tomorrow and all the days to follow. For like, ever.